Author: Cylvia Hayes

Gifts, Presence and Stacking Wood

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

A few days ago, I got a delivery of two cords of firewood.  Two cords is a pretty darn big pile of wood.  My young adult son (he’s actually my late sister’s child but I’ve been a parental role most of his life and he calls me mamma), is building a life and a career and currently lives in a large travel trailer he purchased a while back.

Back in the day I lived in a much smaller travel trailer for a number of years and I loved it.  Jonathan’s is infinitely nicer than mine was and he has put a ton of work into making it really sharp.  However, it doesn’t have a washer and drier.

Soooo, I schemed a little bit.  I let him know I had a huge pile of wood – and an available washer and drier!  Actually, he does laundry over here pretty often but I thought it might be nice to get a bit done while we were busting out the wood stacking.

As we lifted, stacked and worked up a little sweat, we chatted, talked about life plans, daydreamed a bit about the new truck driving career he has embarked on, and  joked and poked fun at one another.  We shared old memories and laughed and laughed.  He’s brahma bull strong and a serious worker and to my surprise we got the whole pile nicely stacked in my little wood shed.  While a load of his laundry was drying, I told him I’d love to have him show me the recent improvements he’d made on his RV home so he drove me over and showed me his work, which I affirmed looked really great.

Back at my house, we watched a bit of football (one of my guilty pleasures for sure) and I gave him a short upper back massage.

That night he sent me a text, “Thx for the awesome nite!”

His enthusiasm surprised me a bit.  After all, all we had really done was a bunch of manual labor, laundry and a quick tour of his little house.  He doesn’t even really doesn’t like watching football.   It was a sweet reminder that meaningful giving isn’t about a pile of presents, but quality presence, really being with someone, even just being together having some fun doing the mundane stuff.

Our friends and loved ones, like us, want to feel seen, validated, and loved for who they are- to belong to us and feel deeply connected to us.  The commercial consumerist culture would have us heap material stuff on them, but far more meaningful is the gift of our attention and our love and laying down memories together.   It costs nothing to pay attention and all love felt and given is a gift not only to the loved one but to ourselves and our world.  A Course in Miracles teaches that every gift we give “away” is actually a gift to ourselves, that we receive Spirit’s grace in everything we bestow upon another.

This time of year, when there is so much emphasis on stuff, on buying and giving things, I find so much value in keeping my eye on the ball of Presence — Presence with my loved ones and Presence with Spirit.

In November and December there are at least twenty-eight holidays and nearly all have something to do with celebrating light and shining light into darkness.  Being a good pagan from way back, my favorite is Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year, and the official beginning of winter.  From Dec. 22nd forward, days steadily gain a bit more light; as we move through deep winter, the Earth readies for the next surge of new growth.

Given my rather awful childhood experience with a certain religion, it has only been the past few years that I’ve been able to reclaim the Christ in Christmas.  This holiday isn’t about the birth of a single human-being but about the epic journey each of us in on to recognize/ remember our own Christ consciousness, our own Divinity, and our true identities as spiritual beings having a human experience.

I am certainly finding that that is by far the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Gratitude Tree

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

For many of us the COVID experience has pared us down, peeled back layers, and honed us in on values and priorities.  For me during this time of isolation from society at-large, I’ve come to more deeply appreciate simple human connection.

I live in a quiet neighborhood at the end of a cul-de-sac and quite simply it is “neighbor Nirvana” and I feel so lucky to be here.  We get quite a few joggers and dog walkers in our little hood.

The central feature of my front yard is a lovely flowering crabapple tree.  She is currently bare for winter.  Well, not totally bare, because I just converted her into “Gratitude Tree.”  I placed a bunch of small wood rounds in a basket and invited neighbors and passers-by to write what they are grateful for, drop the round back in the basket and I’ll hang it on the tree.

It’s gotten a great response.  Some of the gratitudes so far include:

  • Family, the best support during this crazy year
  • My health!
  • Baby Anders — our first kiddo
  • Dogs!
  • My Job
  • Love
  • Magic in 2021

My own gratitudes included Mother Earth, John, Jonathan, my awesome neighbors, and my home. 

I just love finding new gratitude discs in the basket or seeing someone stopped out front writing out their blessing.  It’s even sweeter because the rounds are from logs my dear friend dropped off sometime back because she no longer has a wood stove.  And, my neighbor, who’s a skilled woodworker, sawed them into rounds and drilled the hang holds for me.  My tall son brought his big ladder over and he hangs the really tall ones for me.

It’s all just simple, lovely human connection, and I am certainly grateful for that.

What would you hang on Gratitude Tree?

PS, the tree is really cool when the wind is blowing a bit — the whole thing looks like a hanging mobile.  You can see a video on my Facebook page.

Much Love,

Cylvia

Bliss, Panic and Love

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

Taking a departure from my usual work-from-home routine, I packed a small backpack, filled two water bottles and let the overjoyed hound dog jump into the car.  One quick stop to pick up a sandwich and we were headed east. Two and a half hours later, on the other side of the Ochoco Divide, I pulled up to the Blue Basin trailhead in the Sheep Rock section of Fossil Beds National Monument.  It was a little before 4pm.

As a precaution, I’d let my life partner, John, and my son know where I was headed and that I’d be back that evening.

The thick mud was nearly as slippery as ice, caking so thick it felt at times as though I was wearing concrete boots (not that I’ve ever really worn concrete boots, but it’s what came to mind).  A mile and a half of fairly steep climb and good cardio, and then, amazement.  Canyon walls that were in fact blue, interspersed with varying shades of red, mauve and green.  The tops of the tall, flat mesas beyond were snow dusted, a band of white matching the leisurely clouds rolling past through deep blue sky.

That late in the day, the low sun reached some of the walls, while others had already slipped to shade adding yet another layer of magnificent stratification and contrast.

Just as I reached the highest point, a voice said, “You have arrived!”  I jumped and damn near lost my footing in the slick mud.  Then I laughed, pulled the phone out of my backpack and turned off the GPS I’d forgotten about.   The only voice I want to hear out in Nature is Mother Earth and Spirit.  I sat down on a lichen covered rock to bathe in the beauty before me, and listen to the stillness.  Freya nosed me, tail wagging, and then set about exploring the hillside.

After a time, I fished out the phone and snapped a couple of pictures, noticing that my battery was nearly dead.  I pledged, as I’d done many times before, to get a real camera and return to that very spot.

On the descent, the canyon wall coloring become even more spectacular and the mud even thicker and slicker.  Halfway down, the trail bent left and I stepped into a warm ray of sun just setting on the ridge before us.  I opened to it like a solar panel or a worshipper.

Back at the car, left knee aching, hound dog fed and watered, I realized I’d forgotten that the phone charger in my car had stopped working.  With the tiny last bit of battery, I shot my son a text to let him know I was safe and headed home.

Three hours later, safely home after a lovely, peaceful drive, and freshly showered, feeling blissful, the plugged-in cell phone starts exploding, somebody’s banging on my front door and Freya goes ballistic with her gigantic bark in response.  Good grief!

It turns out the text I’d sent to my son hadn’t gone through and when they hadn’t heard from me, both John and he had panicked.  John was half a state away so he called my neighbor to check on me.  That’s who was at my front door.  I assured him I was fine and dialed up John.  Just as he answered with a huge exclamation of relief, “bang, bang” on the front door again, and Freya goes nuts again.  The police!  What?!

By the time it was all said and done, John had called the police in the county where I’d been hiking.  They had gone by to see that my car was at the trailhead and then later to see that it wasn’t.  They had sent me several texts but of course my phone was dead.  My son had called the local police.  They’d both gotten the neighbors involved.  John had packed up gear and was heading over toward the trailhead to try to find me.  Good heavens!

I spent the next half hour checking in with everyone, apologizing to the various police and neighbors.  My embarrassed was greatly outweighed by the feeling of being loved and cared about.  I was deeply grateful for the whole, crazy day.

I think it’s kind of funny that I was cruising along, all blissed out, feeling great, having no idea the ruckus I was causing back at home.

The miracles of Mother Earth and the human heart.  The gift of being cared about, looked after and loved.  And, like so many of our human mishaps and misunderstandings, a lesson learned, memories made and a story to bring a laugh.  The next day I bought a functional phone charger.       

Much Love,

Cylvia

 

Without the Smell of Fire — Moving from Survivor to Thriver

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes
Cover of Cylvia Hayes’ When Life Blows Up

Yesterday was October 14th, 2020, exactly six years to the day that my life blew up.

I didn’t even realize it until well into the day.  Just the week before, my home refinance closed and I was able to pay off the last remaining financial complication from all the trouble of the big ordeal.  It is a delicious sense of closure and full freedom.

I have weathered so much, changed and grown so much since that fateful day.  It is probably impossible to describe the depth of change.  What I do know is that I am truly, deeply grateful for that change, grateful what it is like to live with this mindset rather than the old one.

Recently, in one of the classes I took as part of my ministerial studies, I worked with the book Without the Smell of Fire, by the late Walter Lanyon.  Lanyon has become one of my favorite spiritual writers.  In this book he makes a powerful case for moving beyond attachment to the tragedies we go through.  I have found this to be a critically important step in moving from working to overcome to fully embracing the resulting growth.

If we aren’t careful, it is easy to slip into victimhood when we stay attached to the story of overcoming hardship or tragedy.  The choice is whether to stay at the level of survivor or step into our Self as a thriver.

I am here as living example to encourage you that no matter how bleak and hard it may seem right now, there is always possibility for truly magnificent good to come from the hardship.  The sooner you can let go the story of surviving, the sooner you can let the smoke clear, the sooner you will start noticing the sweet smell of opportunity and joy.

I am a long-time student of A Course in Miracles.  The Course describes a miracle as a correction in error thinking.  Recently, I picked up a new morning habit.  Just as I am waking, before I even get out of bed, I take a moment and ask, “Huh, I wonder what miracles I am going to notice and accept today?”  I am LOVING this little practice because it helps me much more quickly open to the possibility of something lovely showing up even in circumstances that appear unpleasant.  I encourage you to give it a try for a week or so.  You have nothing to lose by playing with it.

Finally, my book is getting a good bit of interest now (I mean after all, how could I have planned to release a book titled, When Life Blows Up just before the pandemic blew things up for all of us!).  Here are links to a couple of recent interviews I have done.

Much love.  Choose to thrive!

Cylvia

 

Unbridled Fearlessness

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

This is such an incredible time to be alive!  Yes, it’s unsettling and sometimes exhausting and even heartbreaking.  And it is also powerful.  We all get to witness and participate in huge societal shifts.  This is an opportunity to co-create a major evolutionary shift toward a saner and more just world.  We have a chance to make all of this upheaval really count for something beautiful.

Although there is a lot of fear swirling, and being slung around, just now, this is actually a time for those of us who are committed to personal expansion and societal healing to practice unbridled fearlessness.  Yes, indeed, we are all being moved out of our comfort zones, but hey how comfortable was it really?  As American composer John Cage once said, “I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones.”  Exactly!

Lesson 310 in A Course in Miracles affirms, “In fearlessness and love I spend today.”  Let’s choose peace.  Let’s choose hope.  Let’s choose love.  Let’s go boldly forward demonstrating unbridled fearlessness.  Why not?  Living and moving from miracle mindedness is just so dang much more fun!

This is an incredible time to be alive.  You are here for a reason.  Make the most of it!

I was recently interviewed about my book on the World Spirituality podcast on Unity Worldwide Radio.  We spoke a lot about navigating uncertainty and times of upheaval.  Here’s the link in case you’re interested.

My book, When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace, Power and Reinvention can be found on all the major retail book outlets.

Why Wait?

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

Do you find yourself feeling like you’re waiting, waiting, …. ?  Waiting to see what happens with the COVID-19 situation.  Waiting to see what will happen with our kids getting back to school.  Waiting to see what is going to happen with your job, with the next stimulus package, with the overall economy.  Maybe even waiting to see what will happen with a loved one who is ill, hospitalized.  Will there be a vaccine?  When?  When can my family get it?  And, what is going to happen with the upcoming election?  Wow.

It really is a surreal time we are in.  I found myself in a waiting pattern, having many of the questions above and also waiting for my home re-fi to go through, waiting for word on a teaching job I’ve been working on like crazy.

One morning I woke feeling the wait and weight of it all.  Sipping my coffee in the quiet, the thought popped into my mind, “Waiting keeps us from being.”  That landed!  I had been so focused on the waiting I had been missing a whole lot of magic rolling out around me – the baby birds fledging from the knotholes in my juniper tree; the sunflowers across the street coming into full beauty, the once in a generation times of change all around me.  All the time we spend waiting for the future, waiting for the next thing, waiting for rescue, we are missing what is happening right now.  And, we are missing our opportunity to play a vital part in it.

The truth is all of life is lived in the present moment.  Our thoughts may run to future and past, but our experiences are right now.  And, we have immense power in what we make of them.  We can notice the beauty or not.  Beauty is always there.   We can express love or not.  Love is always there.

As we are all dealing with these crazy COVID times with uncertainty on many fronts, I truly hope you will make it a point to come into the present moment as often as possible, to actually LIVE each moment of life, centered in living fully, as things swirl around us.  There is no end to the magic before you if you choose to choose to be present to it.

These are indeed wild times and I urge you to stay focused on the beauty in the midst of the uncertainty and change.

Much Love,

Cylvia

P.S.

You can find tips for handling uncertainty and coming into the present moment in my book, When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace, Power and Reinvention. 

Here are a couple podcast interviews I have done recently that may be of interest:

 

Peace in the Midst of Chaos

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

We are indeed living in wild times – an out of control pandemic, economic upheaval, and a heated, much needed, moral revolution.  This is a time when it is enormously helpful to be able to disconnect our inner state of being from the events swirling in our lives.

Several years ago, when my life blew to pieces, my survival depended upon learning how to maintain peace and calm in the midst of chaos and tremendous uncertainty.  One of the biggest skills I wound up developing was the ability to analyze and manage fear.  The truth is most of our fears are about some future possibility, that may or may not happen.   As Mark Twain noted, “I am an old man and have known many troubles.  Most of them never happened.”

I was recently interviewed on the Unity Online Radio program, Jazzy Vegetarian, about my book, When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace, Power and Reinvention.  The show’s host, Laura Theodore, covers a breadth of issues beyond just vegetarianism.  In this episode she really focused in on the uncertainty of our times and facing and managing fear and anxiety.  The link to the show is here.  I hope it is useful to some.  By the way, Laura is a great, and truly very jazzy host – super fun and entertaining presentation style.  And even when she’s focusing on other topics, she still offers up some great healthy food info.

Here is an excerpt from my book that gives a great tool for managing fear:

  • “Learn the art of “Presencing”, of practicing being in the Present Moment.

The simple fact is that unless we train ourselves differently, most of us spend the bulk of our lives focused on the past or the future, often in fear.  If you’re reading this book you’re likely dealing with some difficult, even traumatic situation right now.  There are probably a lot of unknowns, worry, angst.  But ask yourself this, right now in this very moment, are you basically OK?  Are you right now, under direct attack?  In this very moment are you warm?  Do you have shelter and food?  Are you breathing?  If you have time to read this sentence your answer is almost certainly yes! 

To become present, look around you right now wherever you are.  Notice the sights.  Take a deep breath through your nose and notice the scents.  Listen to the many sounds and the little silences between them.  Feel the chair beneath you, supporting you.  Focus on the breath gently moving in and out of your body.  Feel the rhythm of your beating heart.  Run your right hand gently across the top of your left.  Notice.  Breathe.  Say aloud, “I Am here. I Am here.  I Am here.” 

Let your body release its tensions – loosen the jaw, drop shoulders.  Underneath all the noises and sounds feel the deep stillness of the earth and sea.  Breathe.  Deeply.  Look around and feel this moment in time.  Release and relax. 

Developing a presencing practice takes exactly that — practice.  The more times each and every day you bring your focus back to the present moment, even for just a second or two, the calmer and less stressed you will be.  Not only will this help you navigate trauma more easily, it will add all sorts of additional beauty and richness to the good times. 

Coming into the present moment gives you the space to clarify the fears that are about imagined future happenings, those that are about things you have no control over and those that might actually merit some action.  I highly recommend reading The Power of Now, by Eckert Tolle. 

This very moment, this instant of now, is really the only thing we can control.  The state of consciousness we choose in this moment sets the stage for what happens next.  In the now we can choose the feeling we want to experience.  That’s right — you do not have to be at the mercy of your emotions.  You have a choice in how you feel and you can learn to wield this power with skill and consistency, even when facing extraordinary challenges.” 

Hang in there friends.  Breathe.  You are not alone.  And there is tremendous opportunity in this time of profound change.

Much Love,

Cylvia

 

Grief — The Art of Being Fully Alive

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

I wanted to share this picture of my best friend. She passed last summer. I’ve had these photos printed, waiting in a folder, for months. A week ago, a friend of mine lost her beloved souldog very suddenly – she was gutted. Supporting her in her grief resurfaced my grief and my love and moved me to finally frame these pictures of my beloved Tessa. I had these four printed photos of her. The store had exactly four of these “Best Dog Ever” frames – they were on some sort of crazy super sale marked down to a dollar a piece!   Meant to be.

Even looking at this now brings tears to my eyes.  The first pic is on the day we found each other.  Pic two is her in her prime teasing me with her impish “sock game”.  The third is her with her frosty face on one of our last slow hikes together and the fourth is the day before she passed.

My bond with this amazing creature was beyond description. Our love and friendship is a thread running all through my book, When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace, Power and Reinvention.

Here is a passage that led, eventually, to these photos:

“Three weeks after the legal and media challenges ended, my beloved, beloved Tessa passed very quickly after an unexpected discovery of abdominal cancer. I was able to be with her twenty-four hours a day the last several days and keep her comfortable and pampered. She passed in our front room with her head in my lap. For many our stickiest people don’t necessarily come in human form and Tessa and John were my most steadfast and important. The pain of her passing was terrible, the deepest and most profound grief of my life, and yet, every bit worth it for the experience of her and our lives together.

Was there a purpose in the timing of her transition? I don’t know. I do know had it come two years earlier I might not have survived it. When it did come, once the gutting, cutting grief lost its edge, the rawness of missing her put me in a softer, slower more reflective space that helped me finish this book.”

Grief is a part of life. Our broken hearts are evidence that we have dared to love boldly, to let our hearts stretch beyond ourselves. Feeling the pain, then stretching again, risking again, is how we honor those we’ve lost, and ourselves. It is how we fully live.

Love,

Cylvia

P.S. You can get a copy of When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace Power and Reinvention at all major online outlets or a signed copy here: https://www.cylviahayes.net/product/pre-sale-special-for-cylvias-new-book-when-life-blows-up-a-guide-to-peace-power-and-reinvention/

 

And, to schedule a complimentary Transition and Reinvention Empowerment breakthrough session click here: https://calendly.com/cylvia/30min

 

 

 

 

 

It’s all about the Resurrection

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

To all of you who are hurting, who are freaked out by what is happening in our world and in your life just now I want to offer encouragement. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one, maybe you’ve lost a job and are scrambling financially as a result, maybe you are really struggling with the social distancing – there are a lot of us in that wildly rocking boat right now.

I just want to assure you there is every possibility of a better life on the other side of this crisis, a way through the pain and the uncertainty that opens into beauty and opportunity you haven’t known before.

I know this from my own personal experience of having my life blow to pieces – losing my business, money I didn’t have, many, many people I had considered friends, even my sense of personal identity. I was so terrified and sick with grief it literally buckled my knees.

In the midst of the crisis I NEVER could have seen how much my life and work would transform and how much more peaceful and empowered I would become on the other side. I couldn’t see it then but great things came out of the long darkness.

I just want to pass this along to everyone who’s feeling freaked out right now. Take heart. Take the next step. Stay open to the truth that there are possibilities and opportunities in front of you that you haven’t even imagined. The way through to something much better is in front of you even if you can’t see it clearly just yet.

Here is an excerpt from my book that may offer some comfort – I certainly hope so:

We are each far more than a job, a title, a financial status, a criminal background, a role. We are more than a body. We are more than we know and we have a choice to make. We can fight to hold fast to the selves we think we are or we can choose to let the death of the old and familiar give birth to our True Selves. Every single moment holds the opportunity of rebirth, no matter what is swirling in the outer circumstances of our lives just now. It’s not the crucifixion that matters; it’s the resurrection. Your Easter is here — if you choose it.

– From When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace, Power and Reinvention.

Each one of us, and our world itself, is in a time of transformation right now and we do so with the power of grace and Spirit within our reach.  Happy Easter to you all.

Love,

Cylvia

Thriving in Uncertainty

Posted on by Cylvia Hayes

Most humans are not super comfortable with uncertainty and right now we are all swimming in a sea of it. From the direct health scare, to concern about loved ones, to the economic tsunami, to completely upended social norms and daily routines, we are in a period of massive and rapid change and nobody knows how it is all going to turn out.

This massive level of uncertainty can be very stressful. When my life blew to pieces five and a half years ago my stress levels were so high I could barely breathe. It was so visceral I felt hunted — at the very least chewing myself up from the inside out. Something in me knew that my survival depended upon figuring out how regain some calm, some inner peace even while my outer life was in terrible disarray and upheaval and so I embarked on an all out journey to figure it out.

I want to assure you it absolutely is possible to learn to disconnect your inner state of being from the events swirling through your life. It absolutely is possible to manage and even release fear. It is possible to learn to expand into, rather than contract from, uncertainty.

Here are a couple POWER TIPS:

  • Clean up your Mental Hygiene. If you do not have any form of a meditation practice start yesterday! Seriously, the fact that I had at least a bit of a morning meditation practice onboard is one of the things that literally saved my life five years ago. It can start with just a moment or two of stilling your racing, flailing mind.

Here is an excerpt from the chapter on fear management in my book, When Life Blows Up: A Guide to Peace, Power and Reinvention.

Learn the art of “Presencing”, of practicing being in the Present Moment

The simple fact is that unless we train ourselves differently, most of us spend the bulk of our lives focused on the past or the future, often in fear. If you’re reading this book you’re likely dealing with some difficult, even traumatic situation right now. There are probably a lot of unknowns, worry, angst. But ask yourself this, right now in this very moment, are you basically OK? Are you right now, under direct attack? In this very moment are you warm? Do you have shelter and food? Are you breathing? If you have time to read this sentence your answer is almost certainly yes!

To become present, look around you right now wherever you are. Notice the sights. Take a deep breath through your nose and notice the scents. Listen to the many sounds and the little silences between them. Feel the chair beneath you, supporting you. Focus on the breath gently moving in and out of your body. Feel the rhythm of your beating heart. Run your right hand gently across the top of your left. Notice. Breathe. Say aloud, “I Am here. I Am here. I Am here.”

Let your body release its tensions – loosen the jaw, drop shoulders. Underneath all the noises and sounds feel the deep stillness of the earth and sea. Breathe. Deeply. Look around and feel this moment in time. Release and relax.

 Developing a presencing practice takes exactly that — practice. The more times each and every day you bring your focus back to the present moment, even for just a second or two, the calmer and less stressed you will be. Not only will this help you navigate trauma more easily, it will add all sorts of additional beauty and richness to the good times. ……  

This very moment, this instant of now, is really the only thing we can control. The state of consciousness we choose in this moment sets the stage for what happens next. In the now we can choose the feeling we want to experience. That’s right — you do not have to be at the mercy of your emotions. You have a choice in how you feel and you can learn to wield this power with skill and consistency, even when facing extraordinary challenges. …. I talk more about meditation and the mind in later chapters.

 Choose your lens carefully. Right now a lot of us are facing big challenges and big changes beyond our control. We might not be in control of the events but we always have control of how we choose to view and respond to those events.   Reframing how we choose to view a challenging situation helps us reclaim some power and open up to possible solutions we might not see otherwise.

Here’s one more excerpt from my book that I find to be immensely helpful.

The Choose Again Exercise:

A Course in Miracles is a mind-bending spiritual approach to psychotherapy. One of the things I most appreciate about it is that it is both deeply, sometimes even disturbingly profound and at the same time very practical. One of the tremendously useful practical techniques it recommends is to “Choose Again.”   This is a simple practice that will profoundly change your life.

It goes like this…

Each time you find yourself fixated on fear of something beyond your control, or each time you find yourself obsessing about what someone did to you, or find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, you simply notice it, say “choose again” and think about something else, almost anything else.

Some days I had to do that five hundred times when obsessing over a particularly consuming or uncomfortable repetitive thought and sometimes the only positive thing I could think to focus on was the birdsong outside, the big dog beside me on the couch, John’s latest sweet little note of love and encouragement. Anything positive. It was work and it took commitment but eventually it always did the trick. As my thinking shifted, my lens adjusted, and my life improved.

Angry at your criticizer? Choose again. Resentful of your spouse? Choose again. Terrified about the “what ifs?” Choose again.   Replaying the ugly scene over and again in your head? Choose again. This simple but profound tool helps put us in the drivers seat of our own mind and helps us become aware of thoughts that are causing unpleasant feelings.

Reframing works for really big catastrophic life events and also for everyday little things. ….   We may not be able to choose the events that roll through our lives but we have enormous power over how those events affect our lives.

These are unprecedented times and a lot of people are hurting and scrambling. I just want to leave you with this thought: though we don’t usually like change and uncertainty, the truth is every moment of life is uncertain and the only real certainty is change. We navigate change all the time, often without even thinking much about it. There is every reason to believe you can navigate this one in a more peaceful and empowered way.

I never could have seen coming that my book titled, When Life Blows Up would be published just weeks before all of our lives blew up with COVID-19. It has a lot of useful information for people in the midst of big life upheaval and so I’ve dropped the price down so that more folks can get it.  I so hope it brings some comfort and useful strategies for you to not only survive but thrive through these unprecedented times.

Love,

Cylvia

P.S.  To schedule a free Transition and Reinvention breakthrough coaching session click here.